Wednesday, August 03, 2005 AD Why I Think 'It's Not Submission Unless You Don't Agree' Isn't Necessarily True I've heard from various sources the notion that submission is only submission if you disagree with the thing you're being asked to submit to. According to this theory (if I'm understanding it correctly), if a husband were to tell his wife, "We're moving to Bora Bora," and the wife thinks it's a colossally stupid scheme, but she smiles and, with the sweetest, most cheerful-down-to-the-bone attitude you can imagine, starts packing, she's submitting. But if a husband were to tell his wife, "We're moving to Bora Bora," and she thinks it's the most brilliant idea since the wheel, and it happens to be exactly what she's always wanted to do, and, with the sweetest, most cheerful-down-to-the-bone attitude you can imagine, starts packing, she's not submitting.
To which I say, "Maybe, maybe not."
There are, I think, three keys to submitting: 1) actually, mechanically obeying whatever is being asked of you, 2) having a cheerful, willing attitude as you do it, and 3) doing it because the person in authority asked you. So if in the above scenario two, the wife starts merrily packing primarily because she wants to move to Bora Bora, then I agree that she's not submitting. But if she starts merrily packing primarily because she wants to be in step with her husband's initiative, then I say she is submitting.
Consider a couple who have been married 30 years. Suppose in that time, the wife has been consciencious about cultivating a submissive spirit. She's a lot quicker and more willing to obey now than she was when they'd been married two years. She's also gotten to know her husband a lot better -- to understand his tendencies, to anticipate his wishes -- and her own desires and goals have grown more and more into conformity with his. So whereas in the early days of her marriage, she had to work a lot harder to make herself obey, nowadays, nine times out of ten, she's right on track with him, already wanting to do what he asks, and compliance comes more easily. (Note that I'm not saying this is always the case, but certainly we can imagine such a situation, right?) Ergo, if submission is only submission if you don't want to do it, then this wife has become less submissive over the past 30 years! Not only that, but if submission is only submission if you don't agree, then in order to cultivate submission, you will necessarily have to cultivate disagreement. And that don't make no sense.
Of course this works in relationships other than marriage. I chose examples from marriage because I can opine away in relative safety, not having to actually practice what I preach. ;-) Posted by Valerie (Kyriosity) at 8/03/2005 09:28:00 PM
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